Odds and ends
by The Tongue
Summary: Some ideas i've had floating around. Rating for later ideas. Apoligies for ch 2, it didnt turn out rightso its now deleted. review if you want me to continue with one!
1. Nobody expects

An Unexpected Inqusition

Naruto smirked.

His Plan was in place.

The trap set.

All he had to do was spring it.

He walked into class, late of course, and waved at Iruka.

"Naruto! Why are you late!"

"Geez I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Three figures dressed in red dresses, one wearing a red hat, one a red hood and the last wearing a leather helmet with goggles and all with gold crosses on chains around their necks, suddenly came flying through the closed window, spraying glass as they rolled to their feet.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inqusition!" yelled the man in with a red hat and a gotee, crossing his arms and smiling in a diabolical way.

"Our chief weapon is surprise, surprise and fear, fear is our two weapons are surprise and fear and ruthless efficientcy our three weapons are fear and surprise, and ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope ah four".

After this happened several times over with the Inquisitors leaving and coming back in to get it right, Iruka, still confused as hell, found himself being tied to a dish drying rack as one of the men in red tried to turn an imagenary wheel.

It was going to be one of those days……

AN

I don't own anything recognizable. Can any1 guess where the inquisition is form?

:D

Please leave constructive reviews


	2. Quality control

Quality control

Harry looked through the 'scope on his sniper rifle and saw himself in his sights.

The other Harry, surrounded by some beautiful Hogwarts girls, declared in a loud voice, "Voldemort has crossed the line! He has attacked and hurt one of my girls!" Sniper Harry wiped some sweat off his brow.

"Whew, not gay", He thought. Speaker Harry continued on, oblivious to the danger.

"I will now go and kill him! I will kill him so we can live free! I will kill him because of what he has done, because he killed my Dad and Mom!"

Thwapthwapthwap

Three suppressed bullets pierced his head, heart and groin respectively, as the girls started to scream sniper Harry gave a mighty leap and landed the middle, next to his corpse.

"Bloody American." He spat on the corpse and turned to look at the girls, who were understandably to watch as their loved one committed suicide from 50 metres away from himself, jump there and spit on his own corpse. "Better than a gay!harry at least." Turning to the girls he decided to take pity on them. "I'm a Harry from another dimension, and as a Harry I have high personal standards. He didn't make them. Bloody Americans." He turned and kicked the corpse.

The girls quickly latched onto the idea that this was still Harry. Needless to say he left that dimension several weeks later with a grin on his face.

AN any1 like this idea? I was thinking he could swing by a slash! Dimension and "save" the girls there from having to resort to femslash!, at least only resorting……

Lol anyway plz give ur opinions.

see ch1 for disclaimer

Next time(?): Xander Harris, reincarnation of Imothep?


	3. Old Debts

an: xander is imothep moved back a chappie cuz i couldnt get rid of this idea...

i own NOTHING that isnt mine.

Old Debts

Harry sat at his normal seat at the Gryffindor, depressed as had been the norm after his Godfathers geath a week or so ago. The year was ending and he would soon have to leave and return to the Dursleys for yet another holiday filled with family, fun and back-breaking slave labor. With a side of phycological warfare.

Unfortunatly for Harry he was to busy angsting... I mean considering his life, to notice a black cat leap up on the table and head towards him. The cat continued down, dragging peoples gazes behind it, and stopped in front of Harry, turned, and stared at him.

Harry, seeing something out of the corner of his eye he glanced up and stared back, his brow scrunched in confusion.

_"hmmm" _he thought _"where have i seen this cat before?"_

The cat, sitting now, pulled back a paw as if to strike.

Then it waved, smiled and spoke with a man's voice in an all too happy tone for this time of morning whilst maintainging an air of cuteness.

"Hello Harry-kun!, remember me!?"

Harry's eyes widened almost comicly as he gasped out a reply

"Yoruichi?!"

swipe! Harry flinched as three claw marks appeared on his cheek.

"Harry..." the cat somhow managed to come off as intimidating despite the aura of cuteness it held a moment ago.

sigh"...Yoruichi-_chan_"

Hermione and Ron were busy watching the conversation with confused looks.

The cat seemed to snap back to cute and huge tears poured out of its eyes.

"Don't you love me Harry? I finally find the time to visit and I don't even get a hug from you!"

Harry quickly waved his hands about franticly spouting denials about this accusation and proceded to glomp the cat.

After this heartwarming display of manipulation, sorry, affection, the cat, now identified as Yoruichi seemed to grow seirious, although how a creature with limited facial expression could do this is a mystery, and spoke again.

"Harry! How would you like to go on a trip?" Yoruichi asked, radiating innocence.

Harry, proving he still had prankster genes, was instantly suspicious.

"What have you done now?"

"Why Harry! Why would you suspect your dear old friend Yoruichi-chan of doing somthing wrong?"

"Well there was that time with the milk-man, and then the ice-cream truck and the blood bank as well..." harry promted and seemed like he was going to continue when he was cut off.

"We swore never to mention that again! It was a mistake!" "The others?"

Yoruichi coughed and soldiered on. "Well anyway it might take a while and would be incredibly dangerous, with the probability of a death around 80+ if im being fully honest..."

Harry sighed. "Fine fine i'll come, just don't get melodramatic on me."

Yoruichi suddenly looked sheepish.

Hermione shocked from her stupor by the death estimate cried out while tears dirstubingly similar to the cat's poured out. "Please don't go Harry! We dont want you to die!" she sobbed.

Harry started to sigh, but caught himself. _"dont want to be **too **repetitive"_

"Hermione, " he began, " I have to go."

Ron decided to chip in his two knuts. (a/n i just realised how bad that sounds...)

"why mate?"

Harry grabbed the urge to sigh and mercilessly sent it across his link to Voldermort.

_In the Evil Lair of Voldermort_

Voldermort sighed during a death eater meeting, noticing the strange looks he scrambled for an explanation.

"It's so hard to find good workers"

seeing the unbelieving looks he crucio'd a few till they decided to accept it.

_Back in the Evil Lair of Dumbledore_

"I have to go Ron. I owe Yoruichi-chan here a life debt."

Yoruichi smiled. He could help a lot in the soul society when they went to rescue Rukia.

Now all she had to do was "Convince" Dumbledore to let him go...

This would be fun...

Fin

yoruichi is from Bleach, and this is set just before the soul-society trip.


	4. Oops?

an: when will Xander learn?

oops?

Giles was explaining the latest evil plot to the scoobies in the library as an unusual book lay on the table.

"So an evil egyptian cult wants to resurrect a _really_ evil priest using this book?" queried Xander.

"Thats about it" responded Giles, he continued taking a smug tone "So i warded it using a hair sample of his left in the book so no-one but him can open it"

Buffy summed it up well: "So he needs to be alive to be brought back alive?" " Well, yes."

"Ooooh! nice pictures!"

Giles frowned. there were no other books here. Turning to Xander with a sense of dread he saw Xander reading the book. Or pretending to as it was upside-down.

He quickly snatched it from Xander and slammed it shut. "it seems I did not cast it properly" sigh

He tried to open it so he could re-cast the seal but found he couldn't. yanking with all his might gave similar results.

Xander took it from his hands and said "No, no no! it opens the _other_ way!" with a smile he opened it exactly as Giles had been trying to.

"oops?"

(end)

well? what do you think?

next im thinking of having a Gambling!harry, but with such a large twist it turns completly around. Twice.

Untill then read and review!


	5. Lucky!

Your over-used Harry-finds-a-book plot hook but with a twist.

Lucky!

Harry first grabbed the book in an attempt to explain why he always seemed to have horribly variable luck. He would get into bad situations and escape on pure chance.

So he took the book from his trunk. It was a very thin and light book he noticed absently. He began to read, letting the time pass around him as he sat on his dilapidated bed in Privet drive.

_Not many have the right frame of mind to pursue the art of Fortunmancy, or luck-magic. It is based on several principles that individually are insignificant, but together can be applied in a precise way to alter probability. If you somehow manage to grasp and apply the products within you shall gain the ability to bend the world to your wim. Use these lessons wisely, for with a simple misreading you can bring doom on yourself. and remember these historic words of Julius Ceaser whenever you stand to face your destiny: "The die are cast"_

_Chapter 1: The basics_

_Mad Marge once thought that in each moment we there is a set probability of something good happening. She went on to prove this woth die and puppies as well as a large group of archers over the hill. To measure luck you first need to obtain some die. _

Harry glanced at a small pile salveged from Dudley's old board games. C_heck._

_Next you need a coin. If, however, yoy cannot obtain one you can substitute in a leaf or something similar._

Harry held up a galleon, letting the light glint off the polished surface. _Also check._

_Now flip the coin (guess the side it will land on) and quickly roll **A** dice while the coin is in the air, imagining the two are connected._

Harry did so, thinking heads, and saw the dice land on 5 and followed the coin down and saw it land, heads facing up.

Smiling he continued.

_Now at this stage there is a problem many fail to understand. As the chances of something happening decrease you need more die to represent this fact. as a coin has three sides and the probability of the coin landing on its edge are quite low, 5 die should be sufficient. However the probability of rolling all sixes, which would be needed for the coin to land on its edge, are equally hard to get. this dilemma, however is solved in chapter two._

Harry fromned thoughtfully. he could see how it could measure, but how could it affect? Chapter two would be most interesting.

_Chapter two : basic magical theory_

_Everything in this world has a prediposition. Water and fire clash, as do air and earth. This principle has been used for thousands of years to craft wands, as the wand is predisposed towards a wizard. The more compatible a wand, that is, how much it "likes" you, the more energy it provides to your spells. Almost any wand, however, will give you _some_, but not much. You can apply this standard principle to die to affect the outcome since the die now seek to _help_ you actively. As this is tied into another outcome you are indirectly using this to affect reality on a small scale. Crafting die is covered in the next chapter. To affect on a larger scale you must craft multiple die, and you cannot use either parts of yourself as even the most self-centered person does not care about themselves deeply enough to affect in a large way and you cannot use the same element twice as they react with eachither when tied together in a roll, throwing the whole thing off._

Harry saw the sense here. Borrowed wands work less effectively or not at all. And the rest was all simple dedution from this. Normally useless, but when combined with the first...

This had potential.

_Chapter three: crafting die_

_Each die must be crafted with a piece of something that "favours" you. The more it favours you the better, and the more powerfull the better. For your first wand it is reccomended that you use your familiar, as it has a strong bond with you (Theres favor) and if it has been in your company long enough your magical power will have started to seep into it, providing the power. Now take a pice of your familiar, a scale or feater should suffice, and hold it in a hand. quickly slti a finger and your familiar and let the plood dribble onto the piece, which you should be holding next to an ordinary dice. Squeeze it now! With all your might crush it physically as you envision the piece moving into the die and changing it. If done properly you should see the bloodflow stop and it seep into the die, which is enclosed tightly in your fist, taking the piece in with it. When this stops open your hand. The dice should now "favour" you highly._

Harry rolled it a few times, scoring mostly sixes, with a couple of fives as well. He let out a huge smile at this.

What potential...


End file.
